Saturday, August 22, 2009

Red Tree

I used to hate the sun.
I stayed indoors with rain in my heart.
You showed me the light.
You led me into the woods to touch the trees.
You made my paper willow wish come true.
You made the forest real.

You drew a red leaf on my wrist.
Each crimson line is cut into my skin.
An indelible reminder of the veins beneath,
the branches of the tree inside,
that blooms bright red for you.

And when you smile at me,
your white light radiates.
Its healing heat eradicates each darkened space within.
And I forget,
that once upon a time
my heart was broken.
And I forget,
'cos all I see is you.


steven.nash82 said...

Love the title so we’re off to a good start ; )

The three movements work so well together but they’re so different they’d sit perfectly as separate smaller poems too. I could picture them put on a big piece of artwork of a red tree with them carved into its trunk. Oh my Mike Patton – what a great idea someone should do that like an art installation thing - like the ‘poem in a box’ but instead display the chosen poems on a massive red tree. Maybe even sculpt a metallic tree and then get peoples’ chosen works engraved upon it for others to enjoy. How awesome would that be?
Sorry bit of a tangent but there ya go that’s just how inspiring this has been (that and sleep deprivation).

The idea of the paper willow is perfect because it makes the red of the tree ignite as an image in the mind; I can picture this paper tree bursting into flames and erupting into this majestic creation.

The musicality of the second stanza is really beautiful too. Great use of alliteration:

Beneath, branches, blooms, bright,

And I know you’ll say it was not deliberate but that just shows how gifted you are – the fact that every line in that stanza shares the same pattern of long-vowelled ‘e’ sounds and a short vowelled ‘i’ sound keeps the thing knitted beautifully together without having to resort to clich├ęd or forced feeling end rhymes:

Leaf – wrist
Each – skin
Beneath – (i)ndellible
Tree – inside
And then to tie it off with a delightful double of oo
Blooms – you.
I know you’ll say that this is coincidental but it’s not it’s your natural ear for rhythm and music spilling over onto the page you talented little munchkin.
And nobody writes tattoo imagery better than the serpent. The leaf works so well here though with the tree and the veins filled with red blood just beneath it’s all just so perfect and feels effortless.

The final stanza confirms that this is a Daniela Nunnari poem and could be no one else’s. You have such a well-defined poetic voice and the final stanza is just the ultimate crowd-pleaser for your legions of adoring followers and wannabes:

I’ll start with the obvious use of the phrase:
“once upon a time” just had to be in there didn’t it
It also does what so many of your poems do so well. The final stanza lets you know that it’s the final stanza. I love the repetition of the three
“And”’s moving us toward the final point and the final word which is so very you and one of my favourite things about any poetry but especially the way you carry it off with such ease. Your poem begins as an introspective highly visual argument of the self:
“I used to… I stayed” then pushes deeper into you by showing us the tattoo analogy and actually has us as readers breaking your skin and moving beneath to the veins, but then gradually we move out until we go from the introverted I into the final word which ignites it and lets us know the speakers real feelings. That final word that the speaker deems the most important thing of all:
“You” – Poetry is such a narcissistic enterprise at times and you con us into thinking that its all about you but then turn outwards to look out at the world placing a bigger emphasis on the outer.

I’m not sure if any of this made sense and sorry it’s a bit of an essay and even bigger apologies if I completely got this wrong but am seriously lacking in snoozes.

Either way congrats it’s another keeper x

hodgehedge said...

This is excellent poetry. I agree with steveypoos about the middle stanza it's rockin!

You drew a red leaf on my wrist.
Each crimson line is cut into my skin.
An indelible reminder of the veins beneath,
the branches of the tree inside,
that blooms bright red for you

Thats so perfect it sends shivers down my spine in the best way.
Thanks for sharing in this dark time for us all (ha Kez wouldve laughed in my face for that)

fallenangel66 said...

Really lovely work and I'd like to say that i was gonna say exactly what spud put but he got there first but yeah i totally spotted all that stuff too haha,

its so sweet and i actually did notice the once upon a time but too you are a little grimm pixie for our millenium xox

miltonicaaargghh said...

Damm grrrrl you got skilllz!
sorry just trying out my badass gangsta vibez on yuz.

I finkz i pullz itz offz dont youz?

Anywaaay, this is ace and well deservin of mah gangsta tude!!!

Agreed with all the other comms itz all ace but that middle part is jst incredible work. in a lesser poet the line blooms bright red for you would be a bit bawkable but you sooo pull it off.

Teach us master xxxxxxxxx

poetrytutor said...

Apologies for the delay in comments recently.

This is wonderful, well done. It's a difficult trick to pull of a love poem which doesn't sink into mawkish sentimentality and you've created a really strong piece of work here.

I agree with mr Nashs comments above wholeheartedly and look forward to more.