This heaven’s not so sumptuous.
This sickly’s not so sweet.
It sticks, too thick inside my throat.
It burns.
Perfection passes quickly, like the
sunsets that I photograph.
I wait in darkness,
hoping for a fiery sky.
For you I’ll try to forget forever.
For you I’ll stop before I’m full.
For you I’ll quench my thirst with raindrops.
For half is better than a hole.
I’ll swallow eight little letters a day.
They stick, too thick inside my throat.
They burn.
But there they’ll stay.
5 comments:
Wow - that first line is incredible!!! Did you write that? Because it's gotta be your finest achievement to date. lol I'm suing you ya big word thief hahaha.
Honestly though really lovely work.
For you I’ll try to forget forever.
For you I’ll stop before I’m full.
For you I’ll quench my thirst with raindrops.
For half is better than a hole.
This is great it sounds like it should be a song, got a gorgeous lyrical quality to it. The repeated refrain of for you I'll - is like a mantra and then the break of it with
'for half is better than a hole' is really striking it kinda trips you up whilst you're reading it and then makes you double take at the pun in there.
I’ll swallow eight little letters a day.
They stick, too thick inside my throat.
They burn.
This bits cool too those 8 little letters (three small words?) are rendered into capsules that you have to take every day and sometimes the meds just make it worse. Reminds me of a song called bloodwork "I've swallowed these capsules to regain my grip. And I swallowed myself sick."
Stunning - I was a little worried at first when I saw the 8 little letters line that it might go a bit teeny bopper lovesongish (yeah its a word) but instead you warp it into darkness.
It also gives an image with that final line that kind of sums up everything about that feeling
Stuck in the throat that lump that you can't force down or drag out so it stays and makes you feel worse as it eats you up.
And whoops I almost forgot my favourite stanza:
Perfection passes quickly, like the
sunsets that I photograph.
I wait in darkness,
hoping for a fiery sky.
This is great poetry, the first statement perfection passes quickly sets up an abstraction but where a lesser poet would have left it you did what we are continually told as poets we should do and find so difficult to pull off with real originality and conviction- you give an image which we can hang the abstraction onto so that it sticks crystal clear in our minds. Sunsets that I photograph - amazing.
This just begs to be read into doesn't it? On the one hand you can capture an image forever in a photograph and freeze the world in a moment which we may want to with our loved ones but can't. At the same time though a photograph's not real in a sense so although you can freeze an image and it can remind us it will never be the same as that moment.
Also I always think of the other cultural attitudes to photographs - some are baffled by our need to take pictures all the time because we take them to remind ourselves that this was a great moment but you weren't really experiencing the moment because you were too busy taking a photograph.
Its the ultimate paradox of poetry too isn't it? Reminds me of a poem that I can't fully remember and don't recall who it's by but is something like
"speak to the poet of anything
and without fail he will say
I wrote a poem about that..."
It goes on to mock the poet because he never actually enjoys the things he writes about but instead immediately dives for the notebook and pen.
I reckon with this essay I may have beaten your record for longest comment ever. But basically it's fantastic
- especially the first line ;)
Not sure what the last commenter means but I agree this is really strong writing and the first line is an amazing start to it.
We like x:)
Beautiful writing
why not submit to the cartier street review?
We'd love to hear from you
Good evening UK an old colleague of mine now at Cartier St just gave me a link to your page. I gather you've been published in PoetryWarrior? Congratulations. I think your work is very strong indeed, have you tried submitting to poetry magazine here in the US we are always looking for new voices from all over the world and we pay by the line for submissions.
Don't waste all of your work on the net.
Very promising writing
Kudos from a fellow poetry warrior fan. Your friend and yourself are extremely talented fokeys x
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