Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Optrex (the result of a writing challenge with a Redwood Thinker and a line from a lion)

I bought you a gift.
Who knew you could buy
tears in a bottle for those who cannot cry?
Just drop a witch in water
and the tide will turn.
They must burn.
Those hi-def insensitive eyes.
Made uncomfortable from t.v. and lies.
So much Blu-ray, Ebay, DVD, Groundhog Day.
You can wash it all away.
Refresh, soothe, cleanse.
But make amends?
Be friends?
This is my parting gift.


steven.nash82 said...

V cool

It's ultra-contemporary and yet because of the genius (with a capital arse - as in geniarse!) concept it's still so you. It marries the Daniness with a very hip and now style beautifully.

Though it saddens me to hear that you cannot relate to someone who couldn't cry - I've been there. That awful period when I lost Mike, then John and then Matt did himself in, at the end of it I was so burnt out I just kinda shut down, my eyes were always raw and I felt like I couldn't stop crying but actually no tears would come. - Obviously I'm such a big wuss that now I'm back to blubbin like a wee girl but this really struck a chord with me.

As for spotting your pun - this is littered with em so I dunno where to start.

Obviously I adore:

Just drop a witch in water
and the tide will turn.

And the line:

Those hi-def insensitive eyes.

is bloody genius - that can be prodded it at for days in a theory group.

So much Blu-ray, Ebay, DVD, Groundhog Day.

- is just too cool for school - reminds me of a Redell Olsen poem, not sure why though but have hints of Punk Fawn in my mind whilst reading it.

You never believe me I know but seriously this kicks ass.

Be proud of your fine self


hodgehedge said...

I think this is my new favourite on your site. It's very different from your other work but I agree with the other commenter that you still maintain your personality even though it is removed from your usual stuff.


poetrytutor said...

Very strong piece this.

There is a brittle nature to it which struggles against your always rhythmic lines.

Everything you write seems to flow so beautifully and this is no exception. I think it's your strongest piece this year by some distance and I adore the way you make the whole thing circular by bringing it back to the gift idea.


punkrawkgrandad said...

Yeeeaaarss! The seprent has returned. Where you been woman? hahaha

This is sweeeeet.

Great to have you back.x